How Do You Handle a Bully in Your Network?
Networking with an attorney can be tricky. While many lawyers are great to network with, my most recent experience with one was not. It made me wonder, how do you deal with bullies in the workplace?
When I was a younger, I was bullied.
A lot.
As a skinny and lanky kid, I was a ripe target.
To this day, I don’t respond well to bullies.
I hate the way they threaten and manipulate people.
I thought as an adult and a professional, the days of dealing with bullies were behind me.
Dealing with conflicts?
Yes.
Having disagreements?
Of course.
But being bullied again?
Never!
I was wrong.
This month, I faced my first “professional” bully.
And it didn’t go well.
Nowadays, bullying can happen anywhere: in-person, in the media, though email, on forums, on review sites, and throughout many other online platforms.
In the workplace, there are some very startling statistics on bullying:
30% of American workers have suffered abuse from another professional
19% have witnessed it
49% are affected by it
66% are aware that workplace bullying happens
And 70% of the time, when a company has an internal bully, the bully is the one who remains with the company while the victim leaves.
Whether it’s at home, school, or in the workplace, bullying is a serious problem that is not going away.
📖 The Backstory
Earlier this month, I returned home from my daughter’s wedding. I was feeling good about people, life, and how things were working out in my family and career.
But that week, I got an email from someone in my network that I never met, talked to, or communicated with in any way before.
An email that was quite shocking and made my blood boil.
It took me to a dark place.
It began in January of this year, when I had an attorney in Dallas, TX pay her membership fee and join my business network.
Like with most networking groups, participation in our groups is vital. By August, this member’s attendance dropped under 50% (a 70% attendance is required to retain membership).
Before a termination notice was sent, I received a nasty email from the member.
She complained about an event that was cancelled and the change of a meeting time.
But she didn’t ask for a refund.
She demanded one … or else!
🤝The Introduction
Introducing yourself to someone new in your network can be difficult.
But there is a right and wrong way.
The email introduction I received that day was the wrong way.
She never sent a complaint, concern, or feedback before.
So, the content of her initial email astonished me.
It included:
"Be advised that if I do not hear from you or receive this refund within 3 business days, I will demand the entire membership fee be refunded, seek damages for fraudulent inducement, plus attorney’s fees as I will be pursuing legal not only on my behalf, but also on behalf of other members who were fraudulently induced to purchase memberships.”
Damages? Fraud? Inducement?
I took the bait and responded in anger.
The emails got ugly.
Rather quickly, the situation escalated whereas it was no longer about the money (as it was only a few hundred dollars).
And the threats from the bully continued …
“… I will be reporting my personal experience with your organization on every available channel.”
As I expected, my bully quickly followed through with her threats.
📑 The Review
It didn’t take long for her to post her first online posting about her complaint.
For me, it was my first negative Google review after being in business for twenty years!
And she was just getting started …
😠 The Complaint
Next, she filed a report with the Better Business Bureau.
This is where she started rambling about inconsequential matters and issues not related to her membership.
And by now she was now contradicting herself.
🧂The Salt on the Wound
To add insult to injury, I found out that this member was the President of a local BNI networking group and that she was primarily using my networking group to recruit members to her own chapter.
At first, I refused to believe that a professional would act in this way.
But the validating proof that was shared with me was irrefutable and corroborated my growing concern that I was duped.
🎯 The Takeaway
I teach the value of “simple systems” and “strategic networks”.
But systems only work when followed.
And networks are only as effective as the people that are in it.
My system was designed to keep my business networks vibrant and healthy with only active and participating members. I set a rule in my system whereas a member of a business networking group had to attend at least 70% of the meetings. I made it a policy and boldly wrote it into my terms and conditions.
But I didn’t follow the system and didn’t immediately terminate her membership.
Simultaneously, I weakened my system and hurt my network.
💡How to Handle a Professional Bully
Nobody likes a bully.
And if you do get bullied, there are ways to to protect yourself.
1. Don’t Immediately Respond to a Bully (if’s it online)
Instead of facing a 300lb brute these days, many bullies hide behind their computers to spew threats or abusive accusations.
It will tempt you to respond in haste and anger.
That was my mistake.
After reading my bully’s initial email, I responded in anger which escalated the issue.
The first thing you want to do it take a deep breath.
Take a walk.
Talk to others whose opinion you value.
And, if needed, talk to an attorney.
Don’t fuel the fire.
2. Do your Research
If you’re threatened with legal action or negative reviews, look into the background of your bully. They usually have a history of … bullying.
My bully had a lengthy track record and left an extremely high number of bad reviews on Google for various companies (she has since “stacked” it with positive reviews to offset her abnormally high number of negative reviews).
This research will give you insights into the kind of person you are dealing with as well as giving you the opportunity to respond with your side of the story.
SIDE NOTE: A great business idea would be to develop an app that could warn a business owner (especially restaurants, resorts, etc.) of a new customer that had reported a lot of negative activity online (Google reviews, Yelp, etc.). I believe an app like this could help a lot businesses avoid these types of people or at least be prepared.
3. Stay Informed
Due to the high-profile cases of bullying and abuse throughout the country, there is always new legislation coming out that serves to protect the victims.
For example, the Federal Trade Commission issued the rule in August banning the sale or purchase of online reviews. It also prohibits businesses from using “unfounded or groundless legal threats, physical threats, intimidation, or certain false public accusations.”
Consumers or business owners can report fraud, scams, and bad business practices to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
4. The Devil is in the Details
I encourage you to document everything. Most bullies will eventually contradict themselves and damage their credibility.
Fortunately, I kept a lot of documentation (emails, data, online postings, etc.) which directly refuted the false claims my bully asserted.
With the proper documentation, you can take the appropriate action. There are laws and disciplinary rules that protect people against aggressive legal practices.
For example:
TEXAS DISCIPLINARY RULES OF PROFESSIONAL CONDUCT
Rule 3.01 Meritorious Claims and Contentions:
A lawyer shall not bring or defend a proceeding, or assert or controvert an issue therein, unless the lawyer reasonably believes that there is a basis for doing so that is not frivolous.
If you decide to submit a complaint, include your documentation and try to focus on the facts of the case.
5. Keep Things in Perspective
A negative review or BBB complaint is not the end of the world.
Just keep this in mind …
Yes, stand up to bullies. Stand up for what’s right.
But don’t let them distort your life, business, or outlook on humanity.
🆘 Helpful Resources & Articles
As statistics have shown, bullying amongst professionals is on the rise.
Many of the threats come from attorneys themselves or on the behalf of a client.
If you feel you are being bullied by a lawyer, you’re not alone.
Unfortunately, bullying seems to be prevalent in the legal profession.
But there are resources to help you:
https://www.wagnersidlofsky.com/deal-with-lawyers-who-are-bullies/
https://www.epplaw.com/blog/bullying-in-the-law-what-you-can-do-when-opposing-counsel-goes-too-far/
https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/can-i-report-a-lawyer-to-the-bar-for-trying-to-bul-5070813.html
In addition, each state has a procedure for complaints against attorneys licensed in their state.
In my case, it was the State Bar of Texas.
Have you ever been bullied by a professional?
Or felt threatened in the workplace?
Your story matters.
And your experience may help others.
Have a great weekend!
Mike
👀 WHERE TO FIND ME
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tipclub
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tipclub.inc/
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@tipclub.inc
Great article! For 33 years I’ve been a member of BNI and a Director. I have run into a lot of bullies. I would bet that same person is bullying the members of her BNI Chapter and because she’s a lawyer, they are afraid to get rid of her or take any action because they fear becoming the victim. Her being a member of your organization while she was a member of BNI is a direct violation of BNI policies. But clearly the rules don’t apply to her, which is the case with most bullies. I never respond to them in anger I wait 48 hours before I send a response., use few words in your responses, and only respond with facts . For every 1 bully you have a dozens of fans who support you!!!
Thanks Mike for this Article on Bullying - I believe it took courage and am grateful you shared your personal story. Having gone through similar experiences - I hope we can find more ways to double down on the positive. (And thanks for the tips on avoiding some of the negative).